Solving Unsolvable Problems.

Stefan Sager
Sep 4
6 min read

Updated: Sep 29

We argue; we debate; we try to convince others that our version of an event is the only correct one. This is a natural human tendency, but it's based on a fundamental misunderstanding. In any interaction, reality isn’t fixed––it's relative.

This mental model, inspired by Einstein's Theory of Relativity, offers a new way to handle disagreements. It shows us that two people can witness the exact same event and both be right. It's a framework for finding a path forward by understanding the shape of our perspectives rather than getting stuck in the friction of blame.

I. The Core Idea

Subjective vs. Objective Reality

At its heart, the idea is simple:

how you see the world depends entirely on your point of view, or what we can call your Frame of Reference.

Think of this frame of reference as a unique lens you wear every moment of every day. It’s coloured by your mood, your memories, your culture, and your immediate circumstances. The problem is, we often forget we’re wearing this lens.

We assume that what we see is objective reality, the way things truly are.

II. The Everyday Analogy

Relativity In Action

Once you start looking for it, you'll see this principle everywhere.

The Same Movie, Two Reviews

Imagine you and a friend watch a new blockbuster. You leave the theatre buzzing, calling it a thrilling masterpiece. Your friend, however, found it predictable and boring. Who is right? You both are. Your reality is equally as true as theirs. Perhaps you love action movies and were in the mood for an escape (your Frame of Reference). Your friend might be a film student who was analysing the plot structure and dialogue (their Frame of Reference).

Same objective event, two different subjective realities.

For such things of "recreational life" we often subconsciously understand that tastes can be different––in art, music, theatre, etc. But why not at work?

An illustration of a person on a sidewalk as an ambulance with its siren speeds past, illustrating the Doppler effect.

A sales manager––under pressure to close a major deal––sees a new product feature as absolutely essential. From her Frame of Reference, the feature means hitting her target and securing company growth. A product engineer, however, sees the same feature as a complex addition that could destabilise the entire system. From his Frame of Reference, it introduces risk and compromises the product's integrity.

Instead of arguing over who is "correct," the Relativity Mental Model encourages them to ask: "What does this look like from your perspective?" By exchanging viewpoints, they get closer to the full picture. Often, the issue is people might go the way of assuming malicious intent (🔗Occam's Razor) instead of being aware that they simply wear a different lens. In addition to this, when faced with something that could potentially destabilise the entire system, emotions might come up that then override our rational thinking (🔗Thinking Fast & Slow). One can easily see how this conversation goes downhill very quickly.

III. The Practical Toolkit

Let's change perspectives

The true power of this model lies in its practical application across different domains in life.

Here are few examples of how this could look like:

The issue of Relativity;
Theory of Social Comparison;
Financial and personal satisfaction are often undermined by constant comparison to others––you do it, I do it; we all do it.
To achieve a stable sense of well-being. However, you must deliberately shift from an external, relative frame of reference to an internal, self-defined one.

So you define your progress against your past self, not against your peers. Use the SMART goal framework (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) to create absolute, personal coordinates for success.

Einstein used the speed of light as a constant. No matter where you are or how fast you're moving, the speed of light is the same for all observers.

A goal such as "I will increase my savings by $5,000 in 12 months" creates a stable, internal benchmark that makes external comparisons less relevant.

EXTERNAL	SHIFT	INTERNAL
Wow, my neighbour has a new BMW, why can't I afford this?	Currently I have $10. 000 to also buy one. I'll need another $10.000	I will increase my savings by $5000 in 12 months.
Wow, this guy has a six-pack	I'd have to lose around 10% of body fat	I will visit the gym 30 times in the next 3 months.

Cognitive Reframing: Actively manage the thoughts that arise from unfavourable comparisons by consciously reinforcing your internal frame of reference.
Action: Employ the technique of

catch it, check it, change it.

When a thought of inadequacy arises (catch it), examine its basis (check it): is it founded on an external comparison or your own progress? Then, reframe the thought to align with your internal view (change it): "Their journey is not mine. I am successfully executing my own plan and have achieved my personal objectives."

Forge a Shared Constant to Align teams: In any organisation, departments naturally evolve into different frames of reference (e.g., engineering values stability; marketing values speed). Friction is inevitable. The solution is not to force conformity but to establish a universal constant, a shared, non-negotiable goal that transcends all departments.
Action: Use frameworks like Objectives and Key Results. Align all teams toward a shared, higher-level objective, such as "improving the new user adoption rate." This shared goal becomes the ultimate arbiter in decision-making, reframing debates from "my department's view vs. yours" to everyone doing their part to improving that Shared Constant.

Relativistic Empathy in Communication: The ultimate goal of this model is to bridge the gap between subjective worlds. So, in a disagreement, replace the question "What really happened?" with "What was that experience like for you?" Acknowledge that two individuals can have starkly different yet equally valid subjective memories. This acceptance of coexisting realities is the foundation of reconciliation and genuine connection.

IV. The Deeper Dive

From Einstein's Spacetime to Your Mindspace

The power of this mental model comes from its elegant foundation in one of the greatest scientific revolutions in history. To grasp it fully, we must build the bridge from the cosmos to our consciousness.

In 1905, Albert Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity was built on two principles:

the laws of physics are the same for all observers in uniform motion––an extension of known ideas.
a radical departure: the speed of light in a vacuum is the same for all observers, regardless of their motion.

To make these two ideas true simultaneously, something once considered absolute had to become relative: space and time itself. This led to mind-bending but experimentally verified consequences, including the unification of space and time into a single four-dimensional fabric: spacetime. Later, his theory of general relativity described gravity as the curvature of this fabric caused by mass and energy.

The Relativity Mental Model creates a metaphorical bridge for us by mapping these physical concepts onto the landscape of human psychology and with a little creativity, we could come up with the following framework:

V. The Advanced Context

Perspective & Personal Sovereignty

The Relativity Mental Model extends beyond a simple tool for communication––it connects to deep psychological principles and carries profound philosophical weight.

The model can find a direct parallel in Leon Festinger's Social Comparison Theory, which posits that humans evaluate themselves by comparison to a "reference group", a psychological frame of reference as we discussed previously.

It also illuminates the hedonic treadmill: the theory that people have a stable happiness set-point to which they return after major life events. This set-point functions as our personal anchor for well-being. Lasting happiness is achieved not by chasing fleeting external events, but by engaging in intentional activities that can gradually shift the entire Frame of Reference itself.

General relativity adds another layer of sophistication. Just as massive planets warp spacetime, powerful core beliefs and significant life experiences act as gravitational forces in our lives. They warp our mindspace, altering how we perceive events and the trajectories we follow. Escaping the pull of a limiting belief or a toxic social environment requires immense energy––a conscious and deliberate effort to shift one's frame of reference.

The final insight is a philosophical one. While we may not always control the external events of our lives––the spacetime we travel through––we retain the ultimate freedom to choose the internal Frame of Reference from which we interpret those events. The ability to become aware of our own cognitive frame, to question its assumptions, and to consciously select the constants (our values) that guide us constitutes a form of profound personal sovereignty.

This capacity for self-awareness is a universal constant in the deeply relative universe of human experience and those who have it, have the power to choose.

Sources & Further Reading

🔗Einstein, A. (1905). Zur Elektrodynamik bewegter Körper [On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies]. Annalen der Physik, 322(10), 891–921.

🔗Festinger, L. (1954). A Theory of Social Comparison Processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140.

🔗Brickman, P., & Campbell, D. T. (1971). Hedonic Relativism and Planning the Good Society. In M. H. Appley (Ed.), Adaptation-Level Theory: A Symposium (pp. 287–302). Academic Press.

🔗Doerr, J. (2018). Measure What Matters: How Google, Bono, and the Gates Foundation Rock the World with OKRs. Portfolio/Penguin.

🔗Greene, B. (2004). The Fabric of the Cosmos: Space, Time, and the Texture of Reality. Alfred A. Knopf.